Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Keepin' it Awkward

AWKWARD MOMENTS! We've all had them...they're unavoidable...and they make your insides feel all twisty and mangled. Today I was talking with my friend Marissa and we discussed a fairly entertaining possibility of an awkward moment, which got me thinking about other awkward moments [by the way, if you say awkward too many times it starts to not sound or look like a word anymore. Awkward, awkward, awkward, awkward....IS THIS EVEN ENGLISH ANYMORE?!].

So today, let's talk about some of my personal favorites for awkward moments...

1] You forgot someone's name who you've recently met.
Why...WHY...do I have such a problem remembering people's names?? I remember being in kindergarten and having the same problem. Just met a kid, trying to make friends, we're playing on the play ground and having a flippin' awesome time swinging on the monkey bars, then BOOM. It happens. What is this person's name?! When I was 5 or 6 years old, I'd just ask again. Let's talk about a more recent experience though. I was photographing a wedding last month [one of 3] and when I was photographing the wedding party, I could not for the life of me remember the names of these two guys and they were the ones that I needed to direct the most. This wedding party kindly reminded me of their names a good 6 times or so too....unfortunately I'm too stupid to remember things like names, so I did what any rational adult would do...I gave them nicknames. Curly fries and Twilight hair.

2] Your kids flip shiitake mushrooms in a public place.
FELLOW PARENTS I KNOW YOU FEEL ME ON THIS ONE. You're at the mall, grocery store, park, where ever, and your kids are totally fine. Playing nicely, being all cute and stuff, then suddenly World War 3 explodes out of them like NOBODY'S business. They want something and they want it NOW! If you say no, they will make sounds at a pitch you didn't even know existed. People will look at you in different ways too when they hear the murder cries of your child. Younger people [or people my age] will look at you like, "OMG I never want kids. That chick is crazy for having them." Other moms and dads look at you like, "oh man, I've been there. Good luck lady!" and the rest of the world looks at you like you're the worst parent in the entire world and deserve to have poo filled diapers flung at you. Unfortunately, you only have 3 choices in this situation. You can pick up your little one[s] and leave in a frantic panic, join them in the screaming and crying because let's face it...you probably want to at this point, or act like you don't know this child and loudly say, "who's kid is this?!"

3] Getting friend zoned or friend zoning someone else.
This is so awkward it makes my insides swell up just thinking about it. Getting friend zoned...ahhh nothing like getting subtly shoved down friend aveneue. Phrases and questions such as:
"Can you give me some dating advice?"
"I wish I could find someone like you"
"You're such a good friend"

from that not-so-special someone are the best way to make sure you go straight to the grocery store and pick up a giant bucket of ice cream for yourself...and some wine. We can't forget the wine. On the other side, friend zoning someone is JUST as awkward. Especially when they're trying WAY TOO HARD. You don't want to be mean, but you know you're not interested and they definitely are. So you try to be nice, talk to them in a short yet friendly manner, but they don't pick up on the hints and continue to give you a plethora of really weird, sorry excuses of compliments. From there it gets more awkward, and eventually you just have to be blunt. I DO NOT LIKE YOU. YOU ARE MY FRIEND. STOP FREAKING ME OUT. This usually puts a stop to the nonsense. On that note, if you don't want to get friend zoned, TONE IT DOWN. Don't come on so fricken strong but leave subtle hints that you have some interest. It's kind of like hunting...if you run towards that prize buck screaming and waving your arms all over the place like a moron, YOU'LL SCARE IT AWAY! So chill out and sit in your tree stand like the good hunter you are.

4] You tell a joke, and no one laughs.
Story of my life. I tell a joke, or a story of some sort, and my intention is to make people laugh. I finish said story/joke, look around, and see blank faces. It's so quiet you can hear crickets from 3 counties over chirping. Personally, I enjoy the challenge of attempting to escape that beautifully awkward moment. I usually say something like, "well, apparently you had to be there to understand the magnitude of this epic tale" or "just kidding! jokes on you! I wasn't trying to be funny anyway!" OH and it's also sort of awkward to be the person that isn't laughing. I've been there, rather recently actually. There were a few people in my EMT class who would tell jokes from time to time that I just flat out didn't get. They'd let out some hearty belly laugh, a few other people would slightly chuckle, and I'm looking around like, "what did you even just say?"

5] You show up to the Safe House earlier than everyone else and get the password wrong.
This was me a few days ago. I was under the impression that the password to get into the awesome spy themed bar of Milwaukee was simply "safe house." Last time I was there, that's what I said and got in just fine. THEY LIED TO ME! So I whisper in the chicks ear the incorrect password, she loudly proclaims, "I'm sorry but that is incorrect!" and she then instructs me to demonstrate my crappy dance moves in front of a crowd of strangers so I'm allowed in. To make it even more awkward, they have TV's on the inside of the bar that show what people are doing in that room. So after I get laughed at in that room, I walk into the bar and get laughed at too. To make it even MORE awkward, none of my friends showed up for a good 10 minutes after that. DARN ME AND MY ABILITY TO BE ON TIME!!

6] Someone leaves a weird comment on your Facebook picture/status. 
Do you like it? Do you delete it? Do you comment back? I'M SO CONFUSED!

7] Strange text messages from people you don't really know all that well.
They're all like, "I love you!" or "I miss you!" and you're like...uhhhh....you're such a good friend..? bahaha

8] Too many compliments.
SO AWKWARD!! Someone tells you they like your hair, and you say "aww thank you!" Then they tell you they like your outfit. So you say, "thank you" again. Then they tell you they love how pretty your eyes are. So you say, "hah...uh, thanks..." because it just went from an innocent compliment to potential future stalker in 3.4 seconds. It gets weird real quick. Especially when you're not really picking up on anything you genuinely like about what they're wearing, how their hair is or whatever else is going on with this person. So if you attempt to give them a compliment back, it sounds fake and just as bad as their over complimenting. Awkward overload.

9] It's really quiet, and you're hungry, and all you have are chips.
Nothing like being the douche bag at the movie theater who ordered nachos during Skyfall. Yes, that was me. Sorry I'm not sorry. Those nachos were effing delicious. However, I definitely felt the eyes of the other movie watchers burning into my skull. They were probably secretly wishing I started choking on one of those nacho chips. Jokes on you losers, I know the Heimlich maneuver!

10] You sent a text to the absolute wrong person.
You've just texted a ridiculously dirty joke to your best friend, only to find out it actually went to your super reserved cousin. Have I done this? No [however it would be hilarious if I did]. I have definitely sent texts to the incorrect person before though. USUALLY I'm fairly lucky and it can be side stepped..as if I accidentally did it on purpose...because I'm slick and witty like that...but there have been a few times were there was no avoiding it. Like texting a girl friend back in La Crosse how much I miss her, but it actually went to that dude who wont leave me alone. CRAP. Alcohol was involved...GET OFF ME!

So there you have it folks. Some of my favorite awkward moments. I'm sure I'll come up with more as time goes on. Stay tuned! :)
-Taber Lacie

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The App that ALL Single Ladies Should Have

Short and sweet post for today...but ladies...oh my goodness. If you're single, you MUST download Lulu onto your phone. What is Lulu you ask? It's freaking amazing.

You know how when you meet a guy there's this little voice in the back of your head that's telling you to run away because he's probably a douche? Then this other little voice is trying to be nice and says "just give him a chance! Maybe he's not like the rest!" and you're at war in your mind over whether or not you should waste your time getting to know this fool. Well with this app, PROBLEM SOLVED!

Just type in a guys name and BOOM, his profile pops up and tells you all sorts of good to know details. Like if he's a player, if he respects women, if he cleans, if he has no goals in life, ect. It even gives a rating on some juicer details. Which can be pretty funny. Especially when you look up an ex and just laugh and laugh that you're not the only one who experienced these details.

The best part, it's only for women AND it's totally anonymous! You can rate anyone and you're just labeled as friend, ex girlfriend, hooked up, crush, or relative. Then based off of what relationship you picked as having with that guy, it asks you questions, let's you pick out some hash tags to add to their profile and gives them an overall score. Seems like it ranges from 5 to 10, 5 being...meh...10 being...HOLY AMAZEBALLS.

So what are you waiting for?! Go download that app right now and enjoy the hours and hours of entertainment it provides. Also, rate a few dudes to give a warning to other ladies...or to let them know that this guy IS worth their time. We can all save each other a lot of head aches and heart aches.

Loving the comradary between my ladies here. GIRL POWER! :D

Until next time,

Monday, June 17, 2013

I Suck at Blogging

Hey there readers!

Before you yell at me again for not posting for a ridiculously long time [again], I'm sorry! Most of you are friends on Facebook so I'm sure you've at least seen once or twice that I've been INSANELY busy. Not just sorta kinda busy, but so busy that my head nearly popped off once or twice. Adding a blog on top of getting my EMT certification, my photography business, children, losing weight AND a divorce in progress [yes...that's right, the big D word is happening. For those of you who didn't know - and boy, does THAT get complicated!] would have actually made me spontaneously combust.

From here on out, I'd really like to start blogging again at least once or twice a week. Writing is an awesome release for me and getting all my thoughts out there [the good, the bad and the downright ugly] is probably going to be good for me, just as it was before. Plus, for those of you who enjoy reading my thoughts, it works out for you as added entertainment to your life :)

Instead of going on and on about all the stuff that's happened over the last 6 months, I'll wrap it up in a very quick list here:

  1. I lost 20 pounds from TurboFire! WOO! Unfortunately, I still look a tiny bit pregnant. Darn you stubborn belly fat and stretched out uterus!
  2. The photography business has recently started to pick up a lot more and I'm feeling rather inspired lately. If you haven't had a chance, go check out my website! www.taberlaciephotography.com
  3. Not only did I do pretty freaking awesome in my EMT class, I got my national certification as an EMT! So if you need your life saved and you're somewhere near me, I can probably help you out. By the way, it's only "probably" because if you just got shot in the head, I can't really pull that thing out and do immediate surgery...BUT I can slap a giant bandaid on that sucker and take your booty to the hospital! ;)
  4. Corvin and Zander are getting SO BIG and SO SMART! It's crazy. I feel like they were just born the other day. Sometimes I just want to grab them and say SLOW DOWN WITH ALL THIS GROWING UP STUFF! But then I realize that they're toddlers and probably would have no idea what I'm saying. Then they'd slobber on me or poop their pants. You know, the usual.
  5. Ahh the big "D" word. Yes, it's happening. For lots of reasons you may or may not have heard about. I wont go into detail, but I will say I ended it due to several bad decisions on the ex's side of things. So, SINGLE LIFE HERE I AM! If by chance any guys are reading this, let me just say one thing....don't ask me on any dates right now. I'm sort of not very happy with men lately...you could actually call me a man hater for the time being. SO if you ask me out and I viciously turn you down, don't say I didn't warn you! Alright...I won't be vicious, but there's a darn good chance that I'm going to say no. This is the time for me to focus on me and my children while my life gets reorganized. I'm actually saving you a lot of trouble here because who really wants to deal with all this craziness right now? I don't even want to deal with it. So, you're welcome.

Speaking of men....let's discuss something here...

WHY ARE GUYS SO DOUCHEY?! Seriously. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I get all sorts of ridiculous comments made to me, how many losers hit on me, how many lame pick up lines I've heard, blah blah blah. It's annoying. It actually makes me want to stay home and snuggle with a bottle of Southern Comfort while watching Magic Mike.

Example: When I shot this last wedding in Peoria I went out and met up with a friend at a karaoke bar. Sang some songs, had some fun, but as the night went on, the douchey guys got more and more brave and aggressive. Some of them proved interesting to talk to, most of them...ehhhhhhh not so much. Pulling my hair [rather hard by the way!] and saying, "I like your hair" with a smile that makes you look like you're having a stroke is NOT the best way to begin hitting on me. Personally, I thought this was common knowledge. However, it happened twice that night. TWICE! Really guys?! I think I got hit on better in elementary school.

Among my hair being pulled, other failed attempts occurred. Continuously grabbing my hand and kissing it when I don't really know you is creepy. If you do this, stop it. You're weird. Putting your arm around me and telling people I'm your girlfriend is not the way to actually make me your girlfriend. Hitting on me, failing, then going over to your friend who is less than 10 feet away and saying really mean things about me, THEN hitting on me AGAIN is DEFINITELY A NO-NO!

WHERE HAVE ALL THE REAL MEN GONE?!? asdlkfja;sdlfkjeowimc

Thankfully, I'm raising two little boys who will most certainly never be the sort of guys that do things like this because their mother will teach them how to treat a woman properly. They will not be the sort of guys who are creepy. They will not be the sort of guys who lead a woman on when they have no intention of dating said woman. They will not be the sort of guys who act like they're God's gift to women. They will be absolutely nothing less than respectable gentlemen. The world has too few good men left, so it's up us mommy's and daddy's to raise our boys right.

To all the parents out there with daughters who are around my boy's ages, you're welcome.

Anyway, I have learned today that the reason I attract all these awesome sorry excuses of men is because of my blonde hair, tanned skin and blue eyes. Maybe I should dye my hair a different color, stop going tanning and get colored contacts. Maybe I'll get red ones, because I'm obviously fueled with a firey hatred for the opposite sex lately. Will I actually do this? Probably not. But some days I definitely feel like I should.

Well friends, it's been swell but it's getting to be about that time. I hope you all enjoyed reading my thoughts for the day. I'll try to do another one this week...however I promise nothing. I'm photographing another wedding in Peoria on Friday, then doing two photoshoots the next morning. Then applying for a billion jobs. Then editing my life away. All while trying to spend as much time as possible with my cuties. You could say that I'm a little busy lately.

Until next time,

Monday, January 14, 2013

This is the Last Time

This is me. In all of my glorious post baby weight fat-ness. I'd post the picture of me in my sports bra, but I don't want to scare you guys!

This is the last time I ever want to see my gut look like this. This HAS to be the last picture of me taken where I look like I'm still pregnant. If ONE MORE person asks me if I'm pregnant, they might get punched in the face. Seriously.

About a week ago, I ordered Turbofire. Haven't heard of it? It's kind of like P90X or Insanity. It's made by the same company except this one is supposed to be more "girly" in my opinion. lol. Today, it arrived in the mail! I'm excited to give it a shot and see if it really will transform my body in 12 weeks.

12 weeks from today, I want to post a picture on this blog of me, just like this one, where I don't look like this anymore. That's my goal. I don't care if I lose 5 pounds or 25, I just want to look and feel better and I want to be able to show off my success story with you all. They say telling all your friends what you're doing is the best way to stay on track...I hope they're right!

Wish me luck! :)

Until next time,
♥ Taber

Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Attack of the Gym Zombies

So, this morning I walk into the gym with my little ones in tow to see a gym PACKED full of people. No treadmills were open, no ellipticals, or bikes - people are basically in line waiting to lift weights. It was totally ridiculous. Thanks new years resolution-ers for hogging my gym! I knew it would happen, as we all did, but it was just crazier than I thought it would be.

I almost think of all the new gym members as zombies.
Yes, zombies.
They sluggishly stroll around the gym, find a machine [like the treadmill] they sort of know how to use, then mindlessly use it at a comfortable speed as they zone out to Pandora or watch T.V. for a solid 15 minutes. Then they're bored, so they figure out how to get off of said machine and watch the other gym members out of the corner of their eye while acting like they're "checking their phone" in attempt to figure out what their next move should be. This takes around 5 min. After they're done stalking, they zombie walk over to something they don't really know how to use and within a few minutes, they hurt themselves a little bit [which was probably just their muscles reacting to it actually being slightly strained]. So it's off to the floor they go to stretch - because that's the one thing they know how to do - and they're really good at. This entire process takes about 30-45 minutes and gives them bragging rights to tell their friends, "I totally worked out today." when in all reality, they just did a lot of people watching and barely broke a sweat.

Looking around at all the zombies, I was annoyed [as you can tell with my description above, lol]. Once I put my boys into the daycare area and got a chance to grab a treadmill, I thought about how in a few weeks they'll all be gone and then things will be back to normal. If you think about it though, how incredibly sad is that?! There are so many people that go into the new year saying, "I'm going to lose weight!" or whatever else they want to do, and most of them give up within a few weeks. I wish there was a way for me to help them stay motivated - a way to turn the zombies into actual human beings...but me being the new girl in town I don't really exactly know who's new and who isn't. This year I'll just have to stay focused on myself I guess. So best of luck to all you zombies out there! OH and by the way...If you think the above description is you, you might want to ask someone to help you come up with a solid workout plan ;)

Anyway, one of my goals last year was to lose weight as well, which I did accomplish with dedication and hard work. I lost 40 pounds...BUT I still have at least 20 more to go AND I really need to tone up. Some of you who know me well are probably thinking "Oh Taber, shut up! You're so skinny already!" To an extent, you're right. I'm smaller than I was a year ago that's for sure....but you have to understand that I:
A] Have a very irrational fear of being fat and out of shape
B] I'm somewhat of a perfectionist
C] I don't take compliments very well

So I don't care how many times someone tells me that they think I look great, I appreciate the compliment but I won't believe you until I look in the mirror and see what I want. Which means I need to work my butt off - literally! Well...maybe not. I kind of like my butt. I'll go with belly....I need to work my belly off! Just wait for it, that phrase is gonna be everywhere before you know it! haha

Today my friend Marissa inspired me to look up fitness classes in the Milwaukee area. My routine at my gym is....boring. Intervals on the treadmill for 25-45 minutes, then lift some weights or use some of the other weight machines depending on what I'm focusing on that day. I mean it's not a horrible routine and I try to switch things up but I need something else. There are a few different options for things I can do to help boost my weight loss and to get more toned again - I just need to decide what I want to do! There's a "jazzercise" place not too far away, and there's even a pole dancing workout place a few suburbs over from me. Hmm...decisions, decisions...

Well anyway, I need to do some editing and place a few orders for photos today - so I should probably get going!

I'll talk to you all sooner than later I'm sure :)

♥ Taber Lacie

Thursday, January 3, 2013

It's Been A While!

Hey there blog readers!

Before you bite my head off, yes I know, it's been quite some time since I've actually posted anything. Life got extremely busy. Since my last post [which was in MARCH! whoops...lol] a LOT has happened!

I got married in May. The wedding was pretty good, everyone told me they had fun. There were only a few little hiccups but they were mostly manageable. I enjoyed spending time with my mom while we were both drinking after the wedding - lol.

I photographed two weddings and did TONS of sessions last year. My business really boomed in September and I was extremely busy. I loved it though. My photography also improved a TON. I booked 3 weddings for 2013, all of which are in June in Peoria, lol. In the photography department, I'm pretty proud of myself :)

Corvin and Zander are both walking, talking, running, and destroying everything. They're my favorite little adorable trouble makers. I've loved watching Corvin learn his A, B, C's among many, many other things. Watching Zander's transformation from baby to toddler has also been absolutely amazing. I love being a mama - it's probably the best thing about my life and always will be.

I also lost 40 pounds or so last year. Go me! It took a lot of calorie counting and working out, but it was totally worth it. I still want to lose 20 more though...then I'll be happy with my size. Well....at least hopefully I will be. lol. Only time will tell, right?

Oh, and we moved away from Peoria, Illinois and now live in Wisconsin again! Not La Crosse, but South Milwaukee. It's not bad here, but I still miss my hometown area! Since we moved here though, I did decide to go back to school at MATC to get my EMT certification as somewhat of a back up plan in case anything were to happen. I'm good at photography and I make a small amount of money off of it, but it's not enough to pay all the bills. So back to school I go...better to be safe than sorry in my opinion!

On the sour side of things, my marriage took a turn for the worse. Long story short, Allyn made some very stupid decisions in October that cost him more than he imagined. We're going to try and work on things and we'll see how it goes. Marriage counseling may be in the near future in all honesty. It's unfortunate things had to turn out this way, but I'll dig myself out of this hole [just like I've always done in the past] and find a way back to happiness again sooner than later. Just need to figure out where that is first!

Stay tuned to see how my life unravels this year. I would really like to be able to blog a few times at a minimum. Writing makes me feel so much....lighter. It's my own little stress reliever so it might help me through the stressful, confusing, crazy, exciting, new, wild adventures I'm bound to have in 2013.

Wish me luck! Or say a prayer! I'll take either :)

♥ Taber Lacie

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Dreaming of...Toilets?

For the longest time, I've had some extremely weird and vivid dreams. I can remember them like they actually happened too. It's very strange. Allyn doesn't ever remember his dreams, so I guess I'm not sure if I'm the weird one, or he is. haha. I don't really have much to compare myself to though.

There are several dreams I remember having when I was a little kid. One of them I was in my grandma's camper and all the furniture in there started attacking me. Another dream I was on an alien spaceship walking around and I walked into a room where aliens were operating on my grandpa. Once they saw me they started chasing me. Like I said, very weird.

One of my 'teenage' dreams I remember extremely vividly was me driving up Grand Dad's Bluff in La Crosse when all of the sudden I had to swerve from hitting a deer. I was driving a gray Oldsmobile...a very old one at that. Then I saw myself flying off the cliff towards my death and just before I was supposed to hit the ground I woke up. Scariest part about that is I didn't own that car yet. I ended up buying that exact car a year or so later. Once I realized that, lets just say I never went up that bluff in that car!

I also have had weird dreams of me riding my bike in nothing but a bikini bottom...and I wasn't the only one doing this. It was like everyone in the world lost their tops. The neighborhood we were all riding in was one that's in my hometown, Holmen, but it was like an earthquake happened there and everything seemed dark and broken.

My most reoccurring dream though is extremely weird. My dream will start off with me doing something totally normal like talking with friends, working out, walking around, then all of the sudden I see 1, or sometimes many, toilets just sitting in the middle of a room. No stalls around them like in a public restroom, no walls, nothing. What do I do? I flippin' use it. In front of people. Like it's no big deal. No one around me seems to think it's a big deal either! In my head I think, 'wow this is kind of embarrassing, I should probably stop' - but I don't! How weird is that?? I've been told that probably means I have to go to the bathroom, but I'll wake up and I have no urge at all to go. I wish I knew what this weird dream meant because I have it all the time. If anyone knows, please feel free to tell me because quite frankly, I'm lost!

On another note, hopefully I'll be able to blog more often pretty soon. Zander is starting to become a little better with keeping himself entertained. Yay! I'm looking forward to him becoming just a tad more independent. I know he's only getting upset while I blog because he's bored...or because Corvin got jealous of the toy he was playing with and took it. Oh children....haha

Talk to you all soon!
♥ Taber

I know I haven't been posting many photos lately! Bad me :( but I have been practicing my editing skills! I took a class and if you ask me, CRAVE mentoring certainly paid off! I'm very happy with how this entire session turned out! :)